Staying True...

My mornings usually begin with a very nice LUSH shower, prayer, a nice helping of muesli or honey corn flakes; or 2 slices of bread with full fat butter and a cup of milk or whatever I feel like. I love LUSH, generally I love brands that actually stand for something. I am very picky about my food. I cannot have anything semi-skimmed, reduced fat bla bla bla. It has to be full fat and well made. If I go into ASDA for instance, there is no way I am going near smart-price food. It is smart-price for a reason. The apple juice is over-diluted, the minced meat is like 70% fat, the chicken wings are where the antibiotics get injected etc.
I have always been a 'live life to the fullest' advocate. I believe that money is there to be spent because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

My perfect world changes as soon as I turn my laptop on and consequently, google reader. First is the news of the 15 people who died from a bomb blast in Afghanistan, closely followed by the UK/USA battle against Islamic terrorism. I think to myself 'where is all this hate emanating from?' This is not the Islam that I know and practice. I then decide to cheer myself up by moving swiftly to the beauty blog posts.
I literally get annoyed when every blog is talking about Mac style black. I can stand one or two but not ten. It puts pressure on people to go out and buy it e.g. me. The good thing is, by the time it is released in UK, I would have changed my mind. Thank goodness it's mascara monday on clumps of mascara...Hang on what's this? No mascara review? Oh well at least it's not style black; lol there goes sugabelly cracking me up again. Now its Erin Fiend (as opposed to Erin Scandalous). Love it...Let's see what's happening on twitter. Now what's this drunk tweet? Unfollow! (Are you sure you want to unfollow? eh duh!!).
Next thing I know it's 20 minutes to head off to work. I start rushing, packing my lunch, tying my scarf, getting my books together, my stethoscope, my ID badge, can't find my car keys. I eventually find it after turning my room upside down and I rush out. This is the real me

Once I get to work, my accent changes so the patients can understand me. I make myself do things and smile and say hi when I really just want to scream and cry. At lunch time, everyone has something to say about my pot of fruits or my Marks and Spencer dessert. 'Go and eat chips you are too skinny'; 'men like women with substance, your boobs are too small' (Someone once told me that!); 'How can you buy M&S food are you crazy? You have too much money to waste..' I just smile and say its genetic, just like how I'm very small and look very young. I also say I love M&S food because I feel I can trust it and it is good. Later the muslim woman sat beside me comes and tells me how M&S supports Israel and I should boycott them. After a long hard day, it is eventually time to go home. I decide to branch the salon.

The hairdresser says 'why are you now covering your hair? I hope it's not religious.' I say its personal choice because I know if I say religion, the whole salon is gonna look at me all weirdo. Sigh...
On a lighter note, I start talking about the brand I want to create. Some woman asks me 'Is it for black skin?' I say 'Yes it is'. The truth is, it is not only for black skin, it is for everyone but there will be more global shades. I know that if I say it is for everyone, the whole salon is gonna give me a lecture on why I should 'fight' for the woman of colour. So I just lie.
They start talking about 'true blood'. I know it's one of those vampire things but I do not watch TV so I cannot contribute! I think that TV series have been made to divert people's intellects so they do not put their heads to productive use. I also hate the messages sent in most of them (No it is not OK to sleep with Brooke and Peyton in the same high school year!) I decide to talk about something else...Halloween.
I hate Halloween, I don't believe in it because I don't like darkness and evil and zombies and what nots, but it's the buzz word right? Everyone is talking about it so why not me? They start talking about looks. I say 'do you know there is this Guru on YT who does awesome halloween videos? I love her to death!'. Next statement, 'You watch YT gurus? I hope you not gonna follow any of those gay boys!'

Sigh again...the gay boys. That is something I can never get over. I used to hate gays but now I am a...bit...controversial. Let's just say that. My religion forbids it, so does my country and my culture but deep down, I know that they are human, let God be the judge not me. I guess it's the same way I wouldn't want to be looked down upon for being black or for being muslim, even though there are people who think I am stupid and should be killed for praying five times a day and wearing a head scarf. They are just ...err...different. Let them be...

I finally decide to go home. Prayers first, 240 tweets, 14 blog posts, 29 facebook updates, it's fun time. Afterwards I watch some YT videos and I start feeling like I want to be like those 'gurus'. I want to have all that fame and all that PR and be a YT partner but...
Then again, I don't want to make Halloween videos, or teen make-up videos, I don't believe in wearing so much eye-shadow or any kind of dark creepy twisted make-up (which is why I removed a certain one from my blog). I hate thinning my eyebrows, I am not that nice, I can't stand rude comments or swear words and most of all I am very very busy. I want to be a gynaecologist and reduce the overall maternal mortality rate in Africa.

So what I really want is to make videos and teach people make-up, MY OWN WAY at my own time irrespective of their colour or nationality, they can be purple for all I care. I do not care that I am size -100 and look like a skeleton and no man wants me, I do not want him that does not want me! I intend to eat M&S food till whenever and eat fruits and more fruits and no 'fish and chips'!

Yes I watch the gay guys, I work with them, I even treat them and sometimes I wear their make-up brand or use their tips! I don't care if I don't become a member of fantabulous blogger because I do 1 blog post in 2 years or 1 video in 5 years, I do not want to be influenced by what others are doing or by free make-up or get clouded in internet fame. The truth is, what I really want is to be me...

Enough of trying hard to be someone else or to fit in. Can I just be me, please?
As someone who is very important to me once said ' To wish you were someone else is to waste the person that you are...'

Stay beautiful...