Life

So its the month of May (my birth month)...again. I feel an extreme desire to express all of the above because I only just realised that I've almost completed 23 years on earth. Why am I saying this?

I spent some of Saturday (the 25th of April) evening chatting with a very good friend of mine Halima. We teased and teased each other about when we were gonna get married and who was gonna be a bridesmaid first. She went on about how at 23 (almost) I was getting too old for marriage (in my culture, most girls get married between 18-24). Halima and I have been friends since 1996. We went to the same high school and were room mates in the final year. Since I moved to UK in 2002, we haven't seen much of each other but thank goodness for facebook and co- we keep in touch. She is a very nice girl, born the same year as I but in October.
I teased back, saying she is almost 23 too so its not like she is any better and besides I'm in medical school, which takes ages to complete. I pondered a lot during our chat. Where exactly is my life heading? I know I love make-up and beauty and a lot more but I find myself reading scientific articles day in day out. Her facebook status at the time said ' Sitting and loving every moment of life". I certainly was not (and still not) enjoying every moment of life. My 30-page dissertation is due on Thursday the 5th of May and I'm stressed because the file keeps corrupting!
Halima needed to go so we bid our farewells and she left. I thought what a sweet girl- she hasnt changes one bit since I knew her.

Sunday the 27th of April at 7pm, I logged on to facebook and another ex-classmate of ours came online to chat with me. I almost ignored him because I wanted to get on with my work, but I thought I'll just say hi and let him know that I'm busy. He said 'I've heard some bad news. I'm so sorry". At that point I swear my heart rate went up to 1000 beats/ minute. What on earth could this be?
'Halima was involved in a RTA along with her mum and two siblings. They are no more with us.'
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This guy had to be kidding right? I chatted with her the day before, she was alive and well. At that point in time, I was completely covered in goosebumps, my eyes were heavy with tears I could not see the laptop screen. I had to ring another friend of mine (we were a kind of trio) to confirm. As soon as she picked up the phone, the sound of her voice gave it all away- it was true. Our friend is gone forever.

I keep going on to her facebook and hoping she will come and update her status. I want to dial her number and hear her voice but it hasn't happened...

There are so many posts on her wall now about how we all love her and how precious she is but she will never see them. I wish that when I thought she was such a sweet girl, I actually said it. It was my last chance.

So while I'm deeply grieving and trying to get my work done on time, I thought I should take a moment to really express all those emotions above. It makes me feel better that she was 'loving every moment of life' before she passed on.
If I should pass on today, what will I be remembered for? Good things I hope but everything left unsaid will forever remain unsaid.

I just want everyone who has touched my life in every way, shape or form to know that I love and appreciate you. I am forever full of gratitude for everything that I have seen or heard from anyone- whether you even know me or not, and the moments that I've shared with the people around me.

You're all my blessings.

Stay beautiful...